Spring has sprung....

For those wondering this photo was taken in St Fagans

Yes Spring is finally here, I feel like I can shake off all the cobwebs & throw back the curtains. This Easter is our last Easter as an twosome which I find incredible, I can't believe that in 5 weeks time we get to meet little Alffie, the one that has been kicking me none stop & having all sorts of what feels like parties in my belly. I feel like I'm as prepared for Motherhood as I possibly could be & I have no doubt in my mind that Martyn will be nothing less than an amazing Father. I do feel sad that my Dad isn't here to meet his Grandson & play with him & be silly with him like he used to with me, but even if he isn't here he still will be part of his life, not only in his middle name but I will make sure to share all our wonderful adventures & stories with Alffie. I feel like I have heaps still to do, but Martyn has the decorating under control & we have the bulk of things needed as well as a whole wardrobe filled with clothes (Alffie has more clothes than me!!) so it's just a matter of waiting I guess. Just waiting. I'll be sure to show you around his beautiful nursery as soon as Marty finished painting it & I finish faffing around in there (faffing is obviously what I do best). 

I hope you all have a fantastic Easter filled with lots of family merriment & fantastic food. 

Be Mine This Valentines 2015....

So with January out the way it seems like Valentines day & Easter looms upon us. Part of me loves Valentines day & part of me very much loathes it. I hate to sound like an 87year old granny here but it seems like Valentines day is all about what present your going to get when in actual fact that's so far from from what Valentines day is about it's silly. Granted I have bought the handsome Marty some presents but I haven't gone crazy, if money were no object I'd have a brand new Nissan Qashqai turning up but the reality is things take more of a priority & I honestly believe as long as you do something special no matter how small (I for instance de-iced Martyn's car the s'morning & made him a peanut butter & banana cinnamon bagel) just to let that person know you care, then that is all it's about. So forget about the Michael Kors watch or rings from Pandora & just buy a big box of chocolates, each of your favorite films & snuggle up together! I know we most certainly will be! We decided against going out for a fancy meal & instead I'm cooking the starter & Marty is cooking the main, followed by a box of chocolates from Hotel Chocolat & our duvet on the sofa....that to me is bliss. Oh & not forgetting a bubble bath & face mask session together. If it's one thing that I've learned that's togetherness is the most important thing, no matter how big or how small a deal you decide to make, as long as your together then that's all that counts. So if your doing something with your Boyfriend, Fiancee, Grandpa, Mother, Best friend, Nanna, Girlfriend or hey even your dog! Just remember I'm with you on the non soppy a dozen roses side of things! 

If you do want some ideas on what to get your other half, I'd say stick to a budget (I know I have!) & remember it's more about the sentiment than the cost. 

Hello 2015.....

So 2014 was a bit of a mixed bag it most certainly had it's ups & downs but one thing is for sure I've moved in to 2015 with a far more level headed & positive attitude. If 2014 has taught me anything it's to be thankful & grateful for what you have & I'm not talking about makeup & clothes. I mean the things that really matter like the people you love. The two biggest highlights of my year have to be moving house & finding out we are having a baby. Two major life changing things that couldn't have come at a better time & made us anymore happy than we are. We also found out on Christmas eve that we are having a baby boy, We have chosen his name & now that Christmas is out the way we can start buying & prepping ready for him to arrive, he's due May 12th 2015 but if he makes an appearance on that day is another thing completely. We are both so excited for him that I honestly feel like I could burst, I feel like we've moved on from being just a couple to actually being a little family which makes me so happy, to finally have something to call ours & something to turn our house in to a home. Speaking of which, it's an absolute godsend to be living in a house that isn't full of damp & isn't crumbling down! We actually have a garden, a beautifully big kitchen & three lovely bedrooms. I no longer feel cramped for space & feel like every day is a battle to see which chunk of wallpaper is going to fall off next. Our new home is so peaceful & perfect as well as being warm & cosy, it's the perfect place for our little family to grow & flourish. It doesn't need a mass amount of work but slowly we are moving through each room, upgrading furniture & putting our own stamp on things.

I have made new years resolutions this year & one of them is to defiantly blog more, I can see myself using this little basic blog to grow & escape each evening when I'm up to my eyeballs in dirty nappies. I feel like as I've changed as a person where life isn't all about  makeup, I can transition in sharing more lifestyle posts & Baby updates. The other aren't quite as interesting as "try more lipstick shades" or "make more cookie for everyone in work" but rather to never take anything for granted & to appreciate each day as it comes. 

There is hope.....

I have avoided this post for quite some time, I haven't even looked at my blog because I knew it would be inevitable that I would obviously have to explain my absence. I'm now a year older and living with a void. A void that quite simply will never ever be filled.

For the most part I am a happy, bubbly, bright, creative person, & I am all these things because of two people, my Father & my Grandpa. Two of the most amazing men I have ever had the pleasure of knowing and spending time with. It pains me to bring myself to write this but my Dad, my Father, the main part of my life, the person who rang me every day, the person that made me tea every morning, the person that cuddled me when I cried, the person that drove all over Britain to take me on photography adventures, the person that watched films with me that no-one else would, the person that stood in the garden in the dark with me in the winter to take long exposure photos, the person that hollowed pumpkins with me on halloween, the person that swam two miles out to sea with me in Ibiza so I could snorkel, the person that took me kayaking in the sea, the person that took me to college in the rain when I didn't want to wait at the bus stop, the person that used to laugh at stupid things with me and the person that fundamentally meant the world to me.....is gone. My Dad, my amazing Father passed away on holiday in Greece on September the 5th 2013. 

I.......I don't know what to say or what to tell you. I'm crying & trying to write but it's hard. Life is hard.

People lie to you when they say "it will get better"....it doesn't. Life doesn't get better, you don't forget, you constantly pine for something you can never have and sorry be blunt but it's fucking shit. Life is shit. You can have everything, a beautiful home, a gorgeous fiance, a furry little family of cats and a dog, but the one thing that you want, you can't have. I will never have a phone call from my Dad again, I will never hear his voice again, He won't ever annoy me by nagging me to get him Joes Ice cream again, he won't ever ring me on my birthday at 6AM to sing happy birthday to me again. I can't put in to words how much I miss him, and from September the 5th 2013 I felt like nothing would ever be the same again.

But today, the 6th of May 2014, I felt something happen. I felt happy, I felt like the world isn't that rubbish after all. I could hear the birds tweeting & singing...& I felt happy, really happy. I haven't taken anti depressant tablets since January & only now does it feel like I've woken up from a terrible nightmare.

Yes life will never been the same again, but my Dad wouldn't want me to sit here aging each year having nothing to show for it. Life is hard, & sometimes it feels like I have nothing left to give, but I do. I am a good person, I am happy, I am creative, I am caring, I am honest, I am loyal & I am ME. I'm not going to wear a fake smile anymore or be the person I think My Mother wants me to be because that'll make everyone happy to see me smiling & thinking "awh isn't it nice that she's happy even with her Dad gone"....no, I'm not happy that my Dads not hear but I have to deal with it. Just like the rest of the world gets delt a shit hand every single day. I'm not OK but I am happy &  I am thankful that I Martyn quite possibly one of the most caring & amazing people in the world, my Dad loved Martyn like he was a son & I know that I will be OK and Life does get easier.

I felt compelled to sit & write this blog post, I have no idea why, & I don't really care if anyone reads it but there is something about writing all this down that feel better, like there is a small weight lifted.

If someone does happen to read this and you have lost someone amazing, I won't lie to you, it's not going to be ok.....but it does get easier. & when you're at your at your darkest, just think of what that person would think or say to you, there are two things my Dad always used to say to me "don't lose hope" & "don't let the bastards get you down".....fuck everyone else & do what makes YOU happy. I've learnt to appreciate the little things in life, & as long as you are happy then there is always hope & light.
 I can look at photos without crying, I can think of happy memories & laugh & one thing I know for sure is my Dad loved me being creative & using my energy to be creative  I will be. I will blog more, I will go on photography adventures again, I will pain & get messy & I will be happy.

Sorry for how long this post was, & how it's not filled with beautiful fashion or make-up but life is about so so much more, and this blog won't be filled with nonsense posts on what the beast blusher is on the high street & full of shit I've been sent in the post to "review", this is MY blog, & it will be filled with me & things that make me happy.

Also my blog is renamed Little Babe, only two people call me Babe and that's my Dad & Martyn....they also happen to be two of the tallest people I know both standing at over 6FT so it just seemed perfect.