A great way to start the day......

I haven't done a post about food or recipes for a long long time, now I know none of the above require cooking & skill, but theres something fun about slicing & dicing & having different variations of the same thing for breakfast. I made a pact with myself that in a last ditch attempt to make more of an effort with my diet I would HAVE to eat the dreaded first meal....breakfast. Something I can never be bothered to do & would happily have someone else make me (like my good friend Mcdonalds) .  I figured if I took a photo of it every day (when I was off work) then I would simply have to make an effort because the OCD freak that I am I can't bare horrid & messy photographs that lets be honest look uninviting & crap. I started my week with boring old Shreddies then got more creative as the week went on, rummaging in the long forgotten breakfast cupboard & finding weetabix to make interesting as well as filling. I can see this being a weekly occurrence because knowing I was going to create a blog post has spurred me on & made me actually look forward to the early mornings. It's definitely given me more energy & made me snack a hella lot less so it's a good thing. The noisy side of me loves to see what other people are eating & cooking, I like it because not only am I curious but it also inspires & motivates me to get of my bum & not reach for the boring Belvita Breakfast Biscuits everyday. So heres to next weeks breakfast post.......

Topshop wants......

Haydon ripped jeans, Folk Panel Shirt, Nail polish in Collegiate, Spot Print Shirt, Ripple Skinny Strap Heels  , Double Strap Sandals, Matte Nail polish in Tabasco Trouble & Nail polish in Buff 

So I think it's fair to say Topshop is by far my favourite shop & I haven't posted a "want" list for a while. I can't think of anything more visually pleasing that a collection of gorgeous items from Topshop that I can't wait to get my mitts on! Granted none of these pieces go together, but I have a wardrobe full of perfect items to accompany them. 

• At my last count I own five...yes FIVE pairs of Topshop jeans, mainly from the Jamie range but these ripped Haydon jeans and the bomb! I can see them now styled with a ribbed crop top or a loose fitted deep white vneck. There something about ripped jeans & a basic tee that I just adore! 
• Moving on to the folk print panel shirt, it's so silky & beautiful & think this is such a versatile piece, it can be worn in summer or winter. I love the blue pattern almost reminding me of a collection of china plates my Nan has! I think style with skinny black jeans or even if I dare white (what am I thinking?!) jeans. 
• Next this little boxy polkadot shirt, I love the little crop and love how boxy it is, I do have a confession to make I already have it in black but I'm desperate to bump up my monochrome range...monochrome in patterns that is. 
• A classic strappy black sandals....who doesn't need a variation of this in their wardrobe?! You find me who doesn't need it & I'll convince them otherwise! It's so classic & the fact it has three straps add that little something to a normal plain sandal. I love them & at £55 they have stole my heart!
• Birkenstocks....birkenstock....birkenstocks. None definitely the more I say I still can't get used to it. I thought these were hideous when I first saw them & granted they ARE hideous but there's something about them that I like, I don't know if the simplicity (I'm a sucker for the basic) or if it's just how darn comfortable they are! Also H&M are doing a fantastic little spin on them at the mo as are New Look.
• Finally Topshop Nail polish....need I say anymore really? Fantastic quality, excellent range of colours & very durable. Granted it won't replace my love for China Glaze but it does come close!

A pop of fuchsia.....

Now I have a monochrome heart & a monochrome wardrobe to match but I can't resist a cheeky pop of colour, especially something as striking at a neon fuchsia. Whether it be in the shoes or clutch or something as simple as a flash of colour on the lips with a nude eye. I just can't resist! I normally avoid colour like the plague but it seems my black & white heart is giving in to some colour after all. 

I've even been extremely tempted to give hair chalk to try for the days where things seem a bit boring & need brightening up. I think an all black outfit can look even more pulled together with simple accessories in pops of colour, yes I'm one of those sad people that plans an outfit first & then the finer detail such as how i'll wear my hair & even what colour will be on my nails, I'm a sucker for details....& yes that applies in all aspects of my life, you'll find lots of little candle & ornament displays around my house. I can feel more colour inspired posts coming along, I love looking at photos for inspiration. 

PS...All photos are from Pinterest, you can find me on there my username is sosofee.

Everything L'oreal....

Whilst browsing in Boots the other day I seemed to get sucked in by the L'oreal stand, I got tempted by the good old Boots three for two & decided to pick up these little beauties. I absolutely have fallen in love with the L'oreal Telescopic mascara, I now understand the hype around this product! It's day become my daily go to mascara. It doesn't clump, you won't get icky fall out from it (ya know when half way through the day your mascara decided to crumble & end up under your eyes!) I also find it EXTREMELY easy to remove which is a major thing for me since I've lost many lashes thanks to Benefits They're Real mascara. The longevity of this product is fantastic & the wear is comfortable & doesn't feel scratchy, nor is it horrid to apply like some mascara that feel like they'll pull your eyelid off!  

Next I decides to pick up these pressed pigments, I've never seen/heard about these before but upon having a swatchfest there was no way I could leave them behind. They are very soft & buttery, They apply soft & delicately, they blend really well & the longevity is excellent. They are best applied with a damp brush but even without I didn't get any fall out. They have fast become a favourite & are an excellent bargain, they aren't scratchy or mega glittery like some pigments tend to be, they do have a slight shimmer but are more metallic than glittery. I think they are perfect to blend in to the crease of your eye with a matte base, or dusted in to the center of they eye. They are defiantly worth swatching & they seem to have a vast array of colours as well as the nude collection which did very much remind of shades from the Urban Decay Naked pallets. I will defiantly post a look that I've created with these little beauties. 

Silver hair, don't care.....

So I often get asked about my hair & it's upkeep, I've had blonde hair since I was little (bar the teenage years of experimentation & being every colour I could possibly think of, thankfully my hair forgave me!) this year I didn't want to be the normal boring shade of blonde I had been for god knows how long so I decided to go for a far lighter shade, I wanted my hair to be filled with grey & silvery tones. It's harder than you might think & requires a hella lot of upkeep, but I like it. I've experimented with many products from high end, to high street & I think I've finally found a combination my hair is happy with. 

• Firstly before I colour my hair I always allow six to eight weeks between colouring, this is because I have to use bleach/peroxide & the longer you can get away without using it the better (in my experience). Also before I dye my hair I use a good shampoo something that has the least amount of rubbish in such as Redken's Extreme shampoo, it promotes anti breakage & helps to strengthen your hair with is perfect for using before something as harsh as bleach. I only use a small amount of conditioner after shampooing too (normally the one that comes with the hair dye). 

• After I've done the above step I towel dry my hair & let it breath for about half an hour just so it's damp, then I mix up my hair dye, the product I've used exclusively (after many trials & tribulations) is L'oreal Preference colour in Stockholm, I apply this all to my roots first working from the back to front in small sections. Then whatevers left after I've done all of my regrowth I apply to the ends & I leave that on for forty minutes, I then wash all the product off & again leave my hair to air dry for half an hour then I apply the Live colour XXL toner in Icy Platinum & leave this on for half an hour again working from root to tip front to back. After this my hair normally is the perfect icy grey shade but if I feel it's not I will also use La Riche Directions White Toner for a further twenty minutes (this is vegetable based & will not damage your hair). After this my hair is the perfectly silvery tone, sometimes I alternate between the La Riche Directions white toner & Fudge hair colour conditioner treatment in the shade Blonde, I find both of these products work really well & I don't really have a preference to either or. 

• Upkeep & Maintenance; I normally wash my hair every two to three days & each time I wash my hair I mix & match between products, for instance one day I'll use the Redken Extreme shampoo & conditioner, the next time I'll use Pro-Voke Touch of silver weekly brightening shampoo/conditioner which really does brighten & can leave you with a slight lavender tint so be wary of the length you leave it on! I do also use a hair mask by Herbal Essences which is from the Bee Strong range, which is excellent & smells great!  I do also ALWAYS use a heat protector, I'm enjoying one by Tresemme from the Care & Protect range. Also after blow drying I always make sure I smooth in some Moroccan Oil which leaves my hair silky soft, shinny & strong, the one from L'oreal is also an excellent choice too & isn't as expensive but I would say the Moroccan Oil does last a long time. & there you have it! This is my guide to how I dye & maintain my hair, I can't promise that everything mentioned will work as well for you as it does for me, but honestly don't be afraid to experiment & chop & change things, some products work brilliantly together & some not so much, but you will find ones that work for you!

It's ok to not be ok.....

Firstly I want to start this post by saying exactly with what it's titled, it's ok not to be ok. Don't read this post if you're looking for some guide to depression & bereavement because I don't have the answers that you crave & nor does anyone. The only one that can guide you through your loss or your depression is you, other can help & encourage but fundamentally you're the only one that can sort out this situation. 

As someone who has battled depression for me it was never just a case of having depression taking a few pills & then feeling great, it was the cold bitterness that would always linger that was my problem & still is my problem. Letting go is the hardest & trying to remember someone without feeling angry & hateful is even harder & I'm still getting there! But & it's a big BUT I am getting there. I have days when life is horrid & I hate everyone & the moment I get home I break down & my fake smile crumbles away BUT every isn't like that, my resentment is starting to ease, my hate gets less each day & my bitterness is still very much an on going battle. 

This isn't a blog post telling you life is amazing & great because it isn't, life is hard & comes with lots of bullshit. But life is beautiful. Life is short & life is a battle & you do either sink or swim.....I am very much treading water but it's getting easier & especially so when Martyn throws a rope & pulls me that bit closer. If losing my Dad was a "life lesson" then it's taught me that life is far too short to be wasted, so Carpe Diem & all that bollocks & get yourself out there! Dress up in your favourite clothes, buy that gorgeous item on your wish list, go on silly adventures, get that tattoo, dye your hair that crazy color & do what makes YOU happy. It's hard being miserable all the time & it's even harder faking being happy, but somewhere deep down you know what will make you crack a smile, even if it's just a small one. It's ok to feel bitter & still find something to smile about, I do it on a daily basis, things will start to brighten up, it won't happen overnight but it WILL happen! 

I can only draw on my experiences & how I feel but if you're like me no amount of depression & bereavement pamphlets will help, so do some soul searching & cry! & you will find something to smile about again.....that I can promise! 

Back to black....

There is something about the colour black that just never seems to get old, it doesn't matter how much I wear it or what I wear of it, it just never gets tiresome. These are a few little basic gems that have been catching my eye in Topshop as of late. I'm desperate for some cami's/vests for summer time and Topshop seem to have several different takes on the simple basicness of a cami. I definitely feel these pieces are transferable from day to night & also through to winter layered up. I'm certainly considering buying these pieces which I think will be a wardrobe staple & help carry my inner goth through indecisive summer days. So this brings me on to my next subject which is very much a marmite sort of item....Jelly shoes. I personally LOVE them & love the chunky look of them paired with some ripped ankle grazer jeans. I am desperate to get my hands on them, in an array of colours...mainly black, white & multicoloured glitter. I think they are so lightweight & generally just a bit of fun, I mean who really gives a fuck about a 23 year old wear jelly shoes really?! Not me! Finally my last black wardrobe addition which is so basic & I believe every lady should have....black pointed courts. They can smarted up a casual skinny jean day or sex up a little black slipdress. Not only do they make your legs seem elongated but there is something elegant about them at the same time. Defiantly nodding a bit of homage to Audrey Hepburn.  

Bright & dewy.....

So today I decided to venture out of the house & have a stroll around some shops, I wasn't looking for anything in particular but with the tiny bit of sunshine that decided to pop out from behind the clouds, I couldn't help but to think of summer. This winter has been filled with copious amounts of boring makeup looks & anything that will hide my dull dry winter skin, but no....this summer will be different. I will be that bronzed, tanned, dewy, glowing goddess with flawless skin (as goddess like a 5ft4 pale Welshy can be!). I'm fed up of Benefits highbeam & wanted something a bit different, now don't get me wrong I love my highlight in my Sleek contour kit but I just wanted something a bit different, something I wouldn't normally go for. After 15 minutes of aimlessly walking around Boots & getting distracted by anything with a slight shimmer, I came across the Soap & Glory makeup stand, I've never tried anything from the Soap & Glory make-up line but LOVE their bath & skin care products. After happily swatching for 5 minutes I found Peach Party, it's somewhere in between a highlighter & blush and priced at £11.00 it had to be mine! I love the various of colours & defiantly think this would suit the majority of skin tones, especially olive & darker skin tones. 

Whilst wondering around I stumbled around the Revlon stand, much to my displeasure it looked like some small child (I hope it was a child not a gross adult!) had put their finger/tried on EVERY product in the entire range, but found these new Colorburst matte balms, I swatched the shades Striking Spectacle & Showy Flamboyante, They are gorgeous shades especially Showy Flamboyante, I've never owned anything this shade & although part of me was scared to try it on, I actually think it's a lovely unique colour. Both priced at £7.99 which I think is quite fair for the amount of product your getting. I love the fact they are packaged as some sort of giant pencil which allows for a more precise application, now all these pros there must be some cons your thinking. But actually I have nothing bad to say! The longevity of this product is really good (I went on to wear this for the rest of the day as well as eating a meal, & true to the name it didn't budge!) considering it's a matte product it doesn't dry your lips out or leave them looking chalky which is always a bonus! I for sure will be sporting these this summer, especially teamed with the Soap & Glory Peach Party & fairly nude eyes. 

Wearing Showy Flamboyant on left & Striking Spectacle on the right & Peach Party in both.

There is hope.....

I have avoided this post for quite some time, I haven't even looked at my blog because I knew it would be inevitable that I would obviously have to explain my absence. I'm now a year older and living with a void. A void that quite simply will never ever be filled.

For the most part I am a happy, bubbly, bright, creative person, & I am all these things because of two people, my Father & my Grandpa. Two of the most amazing men I have ever had the pleasure of knowing and spending time with. It pains me to bring myself to write this but my Dad, my Father, the main part of my life, the person who rang me every day, the person that made me tea every morning, the person that cuddled me when I cried, the person that drove all over Britain to take me on photography adventures, the person that watched films with me that no-one else would, the person that stood in the garden in the dark with me in the winter to take long exposure photos, the person that hollowed pumpkins with me on halloween, the person that swam two miles out to sea with me in Ibiza so I could snorkel, the person that took me kayaking in the sea, the person that took me to college in the rain when I didn't want to wait at the bus stop, the person that used to laugh at stupid things with me and the person that fundamentally meant the world to me.....is gone. My Dad, my amazing Father passed away on holiday in Greece on September the 5th 2013. 

I.......I don't know what to say or what to tell you. I'm crying & trying to write but it's hard. Life is hard.

People lie to you when they say "it will get better"....it doesn't. Life doesn't get better, you don't forget, you constantly pine for something you can never have and sorry be blunt but it's fucking shit. Life is shit. You can have everything, a beautiful home, a gorgeous fiance, a furry little family of cats and a dog, but the one thing that you want, you can't have. I will never have a phone call from my Dad again, I will never hear his voice again, He won't ever annoy me by nagging me to get him Joes Ice cream again, he won't ever ring me on my birthday at 6AM to sing happy birthday to me again. I can't put in to words how much I miss him, and from September the 5th 2013 I felt like nothing would ever be the same again.

But today, the 6th of May 2014, I felt something happen. I felt happy, I felt like the world isn't that rubbish after all. I could hear the birds tweeting & singing...& I felt happy, really happy. I haven't taken anti depressant tablets since January & only now does it feel like I've woken up from a terrible nightmare.

Yes life will never been the same again, but my Dad wouldn't want me to sit here aging each year having nothing to show for it. Life is hard, & sometimes it feels like I have nothing left to give, but I do. I am a good person, I am happy, I am creative, I am caring, I am honest, I am loyal & I am ME. I'm not going to wear a fake smile anymore or be the person I think My Mother wants me to be because that'll make everyone happy to see me smiling & thinking "awh isn't it nice that she's happy even with her Dad gone"....no, I'm not happy that my Dads not hear but I have to deal with it. Just like the rest of the world gets delt a shit hand every single day. I'm not OK but I am happy &  I am thankful that I Martyn quite possibly one of the most caring & amazing people in the world, my Dad loved Martyn like he was a son & I know that I will be OK and Life does get easier.

I felt compelled to sit & write this blog post, I have no idea why, & I don't really care if anyone reads it but there is something about writing all this down that feel better, like there is a small weight lifted.

If someone does happen to read this and you have lost someone amazing, I won't lie to you, it's not going to be ok.....but it does get easier. & when you're at your at your darkest, just think of what that person would think or say to you, there are two things my Dad always used to say to me "don't lose hope" & "don't let the bastards get you down".....fuck everyone else & do what makes YOU happy. I've learnt to appreciate the little things in life, & as long as you are happy then there is always hope & light.
 I can look at photos without crying, I can think of happy memories & laugh & one thing I know for sure is my Dad loved me being creative & using my energy to be creative  I will be. I will blog more, I will go on photography adventures again, I will pain & get messy & I will be happy.

Sorry for how long this post was, & how it's not filled with beautiful fashion or make-up but life is about so so much more, and this blog won't be filled with nonsense posts on what the beast blusher is on the high street & full of shit I've been sent in the post to "review", this is MY blog, & it will be filled with me & things that make me happy.

Also my blog is renamed Little Babe, only two people call me Babe and that's my Dad & Martyn....they also happen to be two of the tallest people I know both standing at over 6FT so it just seemed perfect.