My favourite Orange & Coral lipsticks......

Since it's boiling hot at the moment I seem to be gravitating towards the brightest oranges & coral shades in my lipstick collection. I thought I'd share with you my favourite colours that I keep wearing a lot of. 

• Firstly Morange & Vegas Volt by Mac....who doesn't have these shades or lust after them? They are two perfect colours for the right amount of pop of colour. I've had them in my collection for a while since orange is my favourite colour, everyone buys me something that's orange...even lipstick! I won't talk too much about the formula of Mac lipsticks since it's noted almost on every beauty blog but I do really love the creaminess & vanilla scent that comes with a Mac lipstick. 
• Moving on to Revlon, these in my opinion are pretty close to Mac formula wise except they have no scent at all, they apply really nicely, have excellent stay power & just allround an excellent lipstick/brand. I have the shades Siren & Peach Silk from the Moon Drops collection they realised ages ago! Both are beautiful shades & if you don't want to splash out on a Mac lipstick I'd highly recommend trying Revlon first, especially since Siren & Morange are quite close in colour. 
• Next up is Nyx, I haven't tried many of their products but I do love their lipsticks, I have the shade Haute Melon & it's beautiful, these lipsticks can be a little drying on the lips but I just pop a tiny bit of vaseline over the top, not only does it make your lips glossy but it injects a bit of moisture too. Overall the Nyx lipstick is lovely, it isn't the brightest but for the price it's a bargain. 
• Finally I have a lipstick by Barry M now I have had this lipstick FOREVER & everytime I do a massive clear out I can never bear to part with it in case they've stock selling it. The shade doesn't have a name it's just "53" & it's such a pretty coral shade with a tiny hint of gold running through it. I've had lots of compliments whilst wearing this shade & it's the cheapest out of all my lipsticks! The formula isn't too creamy but not too drying at the same time it's almost somewhere in between, it doesn't have a scent & is tiny enough to throw in your handbag pocket. 

From Left to right - Nyx Haute Melon, Mac Morange, Revlon Siren, Mac's Vegas Volt, Revlon Peach Silk & Barry M shade 53.

Saturdays Face.....

A saturday is a day when I like to sit at my dressing table & take my time to do my make-up. I don't have a "standard" make-up look I tend to just apply my base & brows then see where my mood takes me....although it's never too adventurous as I don't think I actually own any coloured eye shadows. I'm far more of a neutral eye girl with bold lips. Today I was just feeling a fresh make-up look, nothing too over the top, bronzed, highlighted & nude with big lashes. Sadly my all time favourite eye shadow which is Urban Decay's Sin has come to an end. RIP you beautiful thing! Does anyone recommend something similar? It's such a beautiful champagne nude shade with shimmer running through it but not too shimmery. It's understated yet beautiful & can be worn day or night. I'm tempted to try Stila's Kitten eyeshadow in the hope that it might compare, but feel free to recommend some shades to me, maybe Mac's All That Glitters? Who knows! It's very possible I'll just order Sin as a single eyeshadow as it's so beautiful. 

I'm wearing Revlon Photoready Foundation in 004 Nude
Maybelline Eraser Concealer in Light
Avon Glimmerstick Brow Definer in Blonde
Bourjois Bronzing Primer
L'oreal False Lash Telescopic Mascara
Sleek Blusher in Rose Gold 
Sleek Contour Kit in Light as my highlighter
Urban Decay Sin eyeshadow
Revlon Lipstick in Apricot Fantasy
Revlon Lipgloss in Rose Gold 
Ardell Demi Wispies False Lashes 

Trainer wishlist.....

On a rainy Wednesday afternoon I couldn't help myself & decided to have a peak on the Schuh website. I couldn't resist having a look in the trainer section, trainers are fast becoming a weakness of mine considering I didn't actually own a pair of trainers until last year. I love white, grey & black trainers because they go with everything! That being said I do really the neon trainers that are around at the moment, especially if you're wearing a plain outfit,a pop of neon looks amazing. I'm also not ashamed to say I like some of the mens trainers, I'm a UK size 6 in shoes so I am lucky enough to be able to fit in Mens & Womens. Some of the Mens trainers are gorgeous & can you really tell they are mens? I mean really? I honestly don't think you can. I think it's safe to say I can vastly seem my shoe collection growing, especially the trainer section of my wardrobe. 

Nike Air Max Thea

Nike Roche Run Hype

Nike Pegasus 83 ii 

Reebok Classic white

Adidas Gazelle og iv

Treacle Moon Body Scrubs....

Treacle Moon is a brand that I am extremely fond of & have been using for years now, it still seems that not many people tend to know about Treacle Moon & how fantastic their products really are so I thought I'd share the wealth so to speak! I love everything about the Treacle Moon products, from their clean packaging to the quirky little stories that accompany each scent...& speaking of scent these body scrubs smell amazing! I've found all of their products to be thick & luxurious with a beautiful scent that actually stays on the skin. I chose to focus this post on the body scrubs because they are my constant go to product especially before self tanning. 

You need to exfoliate really well before getting the tan on & although I love Soap & Glory's Scrub Actually  there is something that I can't quite put my finger on that I prefer with the Treacle Moon body scrub, I think it's the fact it's so creamy which you never tend to find in a body scrub & the delicious fresh smell. It's also not overly abrasive but does leave your skin silky smooth & also an added bonus is it doesn't leave your both full of grit! Think more along the lines of a creamy shower gel...but with added grit bits here & there, that's the best way I can describe it which I know doesn't do it justice (I apologize Treacle Moon!). As far as I'm aware Treacle Moon is exclusively sold at Tesco but you can purchase them from their website & they do have a Facebook.

 There is quite a vast product range by these two scents are my favourite by far other than Cool Melon Fresca. They do also have a "sweet shop range" which I haven't seen in many stores but I have seen the range at the larger Tesco Extra stores.

The good news is they only retail for £2.99 & very often are in the two for £3 deal which is a complete steal! I'd definitely recommend these products especially if you're after a good body scrub, I'd even give Treacle Moon products as a gift as they are so pretty & they have such a vast range there is certainly a scent for everyone! I also have sensitive & dry skin...especially on my legs & this product doesn't aggravate or irritate them. 

Note; This wasn't a sponsored or endorsed post in anyway, I just bloody love Treacle Moon!

Livingroom Details....

 I love my home & think the key is the details. I redecorating my living room from the awful pit that it was to this beautiful warm cozy room it is now. Don't get me wrong it's not perfect nor is it finished by any means but it is my sanctuary. I love to mix patterns & textures, as well as adorning with walls with off whites & Perfectly Taupe by Dulux. I have lots of silver, black & horns/antlers I'm slowly creeping in more crystals & coral but our little home collection is growing well. I'm forever finding treasures in Homesense, eBay, Tk Maxx, H&M, Zara Home & Etsy. I have a clear view of what I want my home to be like & Pinterest has helped a lot with that.  

 Sadly we are moving from this little cottage soon & hopefully to a bigger & better house. Although I've lovingly crafted this shell of a house into a home there is SO much more work that needs to be done to it & I honestly don't have the time or the energy. We plan on moving ASAP & we want somewhere that doesn't have a jungle for a garden & somewhere that is stress free. It's bliss living high up on a Welsh hill with a lovely view of all of Swansea, Neath Port Talbot & the sea but this house has more drama than I think I can honestly deal with. Time to move on to something bigger & nicer. Somewhere we can start a family & a new chapter.

Striped....

I can feel another obsession brewing. I've gone off patterns for a while & have been very much in to my basics, such as zara & topshop. There is something so chic & effortless about a basic tee that I just love. It's the ease of throwing an outfit together & knowing you can pair it with different items to get different styles. That being said I seem to have fallen in love with stripes all over again. It all started with THIS dress/tunic from Topshop which has since gone out of stock in every size known to man ever (can you sense the bitter resentment?!) & now I am hooked! I decided to purchase a striped black & white tee from Zara along with a long sleeved black & white striped tee.I think paired with ripped at the knee jeans & some ankle boots will look gorgeous, but I can also get a lot of wear out of them through the summer with frayed levi shorts & cute denim hot pants (shield your eyes!I'll keep this look for evening strolls on the beach I promise) & white converse. Slowly I'm injecting some sort of pattern in to my wardrobe all be it black & white but it's still there!

Silver hair don't care pt2.....

If you saw my previous post about my silvery blonde hair you'll know it was extremely informative about what products I used etc. I did really like the colour at the time, but I decided I wanted a deeper silvery grey...less blonde more silver. I decided to try a different brand of dye, I kept everything else exactly the same just changed my hair dye. I picked up Nice'n'easy's 9A Light Ash Blonde, I was slightly scared as I've never used Nice'n'Easy before but I thought "what's the worst that can happen right?!" It's a light colour anyways so it's easy enough to rectify. I followed the instructions to the letter & go slightly worried half way through as the dye looked really dark but I tried not to panic & kept the hair dye on. I also foiled sections of my hair to keep the white blonde going through almost like highlights. So here are my results;

As you can see I was left with a lovely silvery colour which is exactly what I wanted, bare in mind I think my hair only turned as silver as it did as it was so light before, so if you're after this sort of colour you'll get best results with prelightened hair. I'm really happy with the silvery shade & love the white blonde bits running through to add a bit more depth & warmth. I think I would go slightly darker next time, maybe more of a deeper sliver shade. 

Current High End Beauty Wants.....

I'm a beauty junkie at the best of times but when I find a product that I will love I will use it to death (or until I hit pan!) & I'm terrible for buying back ups of products & never trying anything new. So it's my task to try new products & these are some high end products as of late that have really jumped at me. I'm obviously not going to buy them all in one go (I wish!!!!) but I think each month I might buy one or two & hopefully fins some new loves. I'm especially drawn to the brand Too Faced, I had a swatch session in Boots a while back & fell in love with their Chocolate Soleil Bronzer I love the texture, the smell & defiantly think you get a good amount of product in the compact, I'll do a proper  review when I purchase. I also was drawn to the Chocolate Bar Eyeshadow Palette it's so beautiful & has an excellent range of mattes & shimmery shades, this is a product I can definitely say I will be purchasing. I've listed all products below if your interesting in having a little look & finding out more information on them in detail. I don't take any liability for your bank balance afterwards! 

1. Chanel Bronze universal 

2. Illamasqua Hydra Veil

3. Too Faced Chocolate Soleil Bronzer

4.  Too Faced Chocolate Bar Eyeshadow Palette

5. Bobbi Brown Pot Rouge for Lips & Cheeks 

6. Nars Sheer Glow

Weekly Round Up.....

So nothing too eventful this week the weather has been SO up & down I felt too scared to go out in shorts incase I looked like a nutter walking in the rain with hot pants on. I've very much lazed around, ate good food, enjoyed date night with Martyn & generally just had a nice uneventful week. I have family moving over from America this coming week so I'm filled with butterflies & excitement! I can foresee lots of summertime adventures, ice cream, pamper parties, date nights, shopping trips & tipsey bbqs! I havent seen my cousin & her wonderful husband since Christmas 2012 so as you can imagine I'm on cloud 9! She's like more of a sister than a cousin & has been there for me when I'm in the foulest mood & need cheering up....plus I think she's one of the handful of people that understand my make-up & pinterest obsession so she's a true star in my eyes! 

Basicly Chic.......

 

Whilst browsing through Pinterest fighting my boredom I came across these two collections of clothing/accessories. I think it's so secret that I'm a lover of everything basic & simple & none girly. I don't know who created these collection (trust I'd give credit where credit is due!) but they obviously have the key to my monochrome heart. There is something completely effortless about each outfit but yet they are just the bare bones to everyone's wardrobe. I know I have these basic clothing items in mine & I feel some what refreshed when I find inspiration to look at them in a new light. You don't have to buy all the basics from All Saints (£55 for a basic white tee....are you fucking insane?! I'm off to Brandy Melvin!) to look amazing you can do so on a budget & splurge on the extra special bits like handbags, shoes, watches, jewellery etc (or makeup in my case, there's no better accessories to life like Ardell Demi Wispies!). I think I'll be looking to Pinterest for inspiration more often & hopefully reawaken all the long forgotten items tucked at the back of my wardrobe!

Sleek Lip Palettes.......

I saw these lip palettes by Sleek & could not resist them, I mean who could?! I love the brand Sleek I have many of their blushes & their contour kit is a daily go to item for me. I've seen their vast array of lipsticks but never tried any of them, I have no idea why! I decided to pick up the colours Siren which is full of oranges, corals & red, & also Ballet which is full of nudes & browns. Two perfect palettes filled with extremely wearable shades & nice & compact for travelling (much like the 3 Blush Palettes which are also excellent!). 

The palette itself is nice & compact although it is a little chunky but meh! beggars can't be choosers! It also has a nice large mirror inside which is really handy, it did come with a little lip brush which is fab, although the quality of the brush isn't great, again this is a product you're hardly going to buy for the brush! I simply add a lip brush in to my make-up bag instead. Now on to the formula, I wasn't expecting a Mac lipstick formula just a basic one if anything, the lipstick has no scent & isn't greasy, I do find the matte shades a little drying on the lips but I find that with the majority of matte lipsticks. The big wow for these lipstick palettes for me is the pigmentation! It really is WOW! It's so bright edging on neon with some shades & there are several excellent colour dupes hidden within these palettes. 

First up is the Ballet Palette;

Each shade that I'm wearing is wrote on the photo, the dupes within this palette are;

• Plie for Mac's Pillow Talk
• Tutu for Mac's Creme'd Nude
• Pirouette for Mac's Honey Love 
• Swan Lake for Creme Cup

Next is the Siren Palette;

The dupes within this Palette are;

• Love me for Mac's Party Parrot & very close to the limited edition Watch me Simmer 
• Miss me for Mac's Lady Danger boarding on to M'orange

So there we have it! In my opinion these are excellent & not only save room in your makeup bag but are handy to throw in to your bag for a festival or clutch bag for a party & you also have that lovely sized mirror. They chunkyness of the palette makes it easier to find so you won't end up losing your beloved lipsticks (R.I.P Lady Danger

Argan Oil Hydrating Hair Mask.....

After running out of my much loved Herbal Essences Bee Strong hair mask ran out & my S Factor "Serious" conditioner also came to an end I felt slightly at a loss. I enjoyed both hair treatments & my hair did too but I wanted to try something different. Whilst having a browse & killing time in my local Home Bargains I stumbled upon this Argan Oil Hydrating Hair Mask, now for a tiny 99P I wasn't expecting miracles...I also was debating if I should use it or not, I'm somewhat of a hair snob & refuse to use cheap & nasty shampoo that leaves your hair feeling notty, dry & brittle. None the less I decided to give it a go & for 99P it was no love lost if it was rubbish. 

First I shampooed my hair & you use this treatment in between conditioning, I towel dried my hair as directed & worked this product from root to tip but mainly focusing on the ends of my hair. I left it on for around 8 to 10 minutes & rinsed it off with warm water & then went on to condition. I have to say I was stunned, my hair is visibly shinier & thicker, but also thicker to touch, so much so my Mum commented asking if I had hair extensions in for volume....I didn't. It was all the power of Argain Oil. I really am wowed at how a product so cheap can do wonders to your hair, it smells really nice & has a thick consistency slightly thicker than the SFactor Serious conditioner, which surprisingly I found easier to work in through my hair.

 I'm not saying this is better than my other favourites mentioned but it is certainly on par & again for 99P I wasn't expecting anything so to have visible results is certainly a big gold star in my book!

Outfit styling 001

There's something extremely chic, flattering & stylish about a basic white tee paired with denim....any sort of denim but especially slashed shorts in the summer months. Topped off with a bright matte lip, cute ankle boots & an overly large & obnoxious statement necklace, this is my go to outfit. That never fails to impress & can be dressed up or down & made seasonally appropriate. With payday on the horizon I can sense a Topshop splurge is imminent especially now that the sun has finally decided to make an appearance here in Wales. Time to tan my milk bottle skin so I can flash the pins all summer.

A weekly round up....

This week has been slightly uneventful (until Sunday!) but here are some highlights;

There has been some gorgeous sunshine this week in Wales but also some horrid thunder storms, so it means when it's sunny you have to grab it with both hands & jump to it! 

We had some lovely tea this week, I'm getting more & more into cooking & having the fridge packed out with fantastic ingredients inspires me even more to get creative & cook something delicious & fresh from scratch. I'm cooking up a storm! 

So it's time I should address the adorable little ball of fluffy also known as Nigel....I didn't pick the name Marty did! Little Nigel was the only little Russian Dwarf Hamster left in the pet shop & he's so precious Martyn refuses to leave him there, so we have a new member to add to the growing list of fluffbutts. 

Finally we had lots of move nights this week especially when the storm hit, nothing is better than a big bowl of popcorn & a snuggle on the sofa during a thunderstorm. 

A great way to start the day......

I haven't done a post about food or recipes for a long long time, now I know none of the above require cooking & skill, but theres something fun about slicing & dicing & having different variations of the same thing for breakfast. I made a pact with myself that in a last ditch attempt to make more of an effort with my diet I would HAVE to eat the dreaded first meal....breakfast. Something I can never be bothered to do & would happily have someone else make me (like my good friend Mcdonalds) .  I figured if I took a photo of it every day (when I was off work) then I would simply have to make an effort because the OCD freak that I am I can't bare horrid & messy photographs that lets be honest look uninviting & crap. I started my week with boring old Shreddies then got more creative as the week went on, rummaging in the long forgotten breakfast cupboard & finding weetabix to make interesting as well as filling. I can see this being a weekly occurrence because knowing I was going to create a blog post has spurred me on & made me actually look forward to the early mornings. It's definitely given me more energy & made me snack a hella lot less so it's a good thing. The noisy side of me loves to see what other people are eating & cooking, I like it because not only am I curious but it also inspires & motivates me to get of my bum & not reach for the boring Belvita Breakfast Biscuits everyday. So heres to next weeks breakfast post.......

Topshop wants......

Haydon ripped jeans, Folk Panel Shirt, Nail polish in Collegiate, Spot Print Shirt, Ripple Skinny Strap Heels  , Double Strap Sandals, Matte Nail polish in Tabasco Trouble & Nail polish in Buff 

So I think it's fair to say Topshop is by far my favourite shop & I haven't posted a "want" list for a while. I can't think of anything more visually pleasing that a collection of gorgeous items from Topshop that I can't wait to get my mitts on! Granted none of these pieces go together, but I have a wardrobe full of perfect items to accompany them. 

• At my last count I own five...yes FIVE pairs of Topshop jeans, mainly from the Jamie range but these ripped Haydon jeans and the bomb! I can see them now styled with a ribbed crop top or a loose fitted deep white vneck. There something about ripped jeans & a basic tee that I just adore! 
• Moving on to the folk print panel shirt, it's so silky & beautiful & think this is such a versatile piece, it can be worn in summer or winter. I love the blue pattern almost reminding me of a collection of china plates my Nan has! I think style with skinny black jeans or even if I dare white (what am I thinking?!) jeans. 
• Next this little boxy polkadot shirt, I love the little crop and love how boxy it is, I do have a confession to make I already have it in black but I'm desperate to bump up my monochrome range...monochrome in patterns that is. 
• A classic strappy black sandals....who doesn't need a variation of this in their wardrobe?! You find me who doesn't need it & I'll convince them otherwise! It's so classic & the fact it has three straps add that little something to a normal plain sandal. I love them & at £55 they have stole my heart!
• Birkenstocks....birkenstock....birkenstocks. None definitely the more I say I still can't get used to it. I thought these were hideous when I first saw them & granted they ARE hideous but there's something about them that I like, I don't know if the simplicity (I'm a sucker for the basic) or if it's just how darn comfortable they are! Also H&M are doing a fantastic little spin on them at the mo as are New Look.
• Finally Topshop Nail polish....need I say anymore really? Fantastic quality, excellent range of colours & very durable. Granted it won't replace my love for China Glaze but it does come close!

A pop of fuchsia.....

Now I have a monochrome heart & a monochrome wardrobe to match but I can't resist a cheeky pop of colour, especially something as striking at a neon fuchsia. Whether it be in the shoes or clutch or something as simple as a flash of colour on the lips with a nude eye. I just can't resist! I normally avoid colour like the plague but it seems my black & white heart is giving in to some colour after all. 

I've even been extremely tempted to give hair chalk to try for the days where things seem a bit boring & need brightening up. I think an all black outfit can look even more pulled together with simple accessories in pops of colour, yes I'm one of those sad people that plans an outfit first & then the finer detail such as how i'll wear my hair & even what colour will be on my nails, I'm a sucker for details....& yes that applies in all aspects of my life, you'll find lots of little candle & ornament displays around my house. I can feel more colour inspired posts coming along, I love looking at photos for inspiration. 

PS...All photos are from Pinterest, you can find me on there my username is sosofee.

Everything L'oreal....

Whilst browsing in Boots the other day I seemed to get sucked in by the L'oreal stand, I got tempted by the good old Boots three for two & decided to pick up these little beauties. I absolutely have fallen in love with the L'oreal Telescopic mascara, I now understand the hype around this product! It's day become my daily go to mascara. It doesn't clump, you won't get icky fall out from it (ya know when half way through the day your mascara decided to crumble & end up under your eyes!) I also find it EXTREMELY easy to remove which is a major thing for me since I've lost many lashes thanks to Benefits They're Real mascara. The longevity of this product is fantastic & the wear is comfortable & doesn't feel scratchy, nor is it horrid to apply like some mascara that feel like they'll pull your eyelid off!  

Next I decides to pick up these pressed pigments, I've never seen/heard about these before but upon having a swatchfest there was no way I could leave them behind. They are very soft & buttery, They apply soft & delicately, they blend really well & the longevity is excellent. They are best applied with a damp brush but even without I didn't get any fall out. They have fast become a favourite & are an excellent bargain, they aren't scratchy or mega glittery like some pigments tend to be, they do have a slight shimmer but are more metallic than glittery. I think they are perfect to blend in to the crease of your eye with a matte base, or dusted in to the center of they eye. They are defiantly worth swatching & they seem to have a vast array of colours as well as the nude collection which did very much remind of shades from the Urban Decay Naked pallets. I will defiantly post a look that I've created with these little beauties. 

Silver hair, don't care.....

So I often get asked about my hair & it's upkeep, I've had blonde hair since I was little (bar the teenage years of experimentation & being every colour I could possibly think of, thankfully my hair forgave me!) this year I didn't want to be the normal boring shade of blonde I had been for god knows how long so I decided to go for a far lighter shade, I wanted my hair to be filled with grey & silvery tones. It's harder than you might think & requires a hella lot of upkeep, but I like it. I've experimented with many products from high end, to high street & I think I've finally found a combination my hair is happy with. 

• Firstly before I colour my hair I always allow six to eight weeks between colouring, this is because I have to use bleach/peroxide & the longer you can get away without using it the better (in my experience). Also before I dye my hair I use a good shampoo something that has the least amount of rubbish in such as Redken's Extreme shampoo, it promotes anti breakage & helps to strengthen your hair with is perfect for using before something as harsh as bleach. I only use a small amount of conditioner after shampooing too (normally the one that comes with the hair dye). 

• After I've done the above step I towel dry my hair & let it breath for about half an hour just so it's damp, then I mix up my hair dye, the product I've used exclusively (after many trials & tribulations) is L'oreal Preference colour in Stockholm, I apply this all to my roots first working from the back to front in small sections. Then whatevers left after I've done all of my regrowth I apply to the ends & I leave that on for forty minutes, I then wash all the product off & again leave my hair to air dry for half an hour then I apply the Live colour XXL toner in Icy Platinum & leave this on for half an hour again working from root to tip front to back. After this my hair normally is the perfect icy grey shade but if I feel it's not I will also use La Riche Directions White Toner for a further twenty minutes (this is vegetable based & will not damage your hair). After this my hair is the perfectly silvery tone, sometimes I alternate between the La Riche Directions white toner & Fudge hair colour conditioner treatment in the shade Blonde, I find both of these products work really well & I don't really have a preference to either or. 

• Upkeep & Maintenance; I normally wash my hair every two to three days & each time I wash my hair I mix & match between products, for instance one day I'll use the Redken Extreme shampoo & conditioner, the next time I'll use Pro-Voke Touch of silver weekly brightening shampoo/conditioner which really does brighten & can leave you with a slight lavender tint so be wary of the length you leave it on! I do also use a hair mask by Herbal Essences which is from the Bee Strong range, which is excellent & smells great!  I do also ALWAYS use a heat protector, I'm enjoying one by Tresemme from the Care & Protect range. Also after blow drying I always make sure I smooth in some Moroccan Oil which leaves my hair silky soft, shinny & strong, the one from L'oreal is also an excellent choice too & isn't as expensive but I would say the Moroccan Oil does last a long time. & there you have it! This is my guide to how I dye & maintain my hair, I can't promise that everything mentioned will work as well for you as it does for me, but honestly don't be afraid to experiment & chop & change things, some products work brilliantly together & some not so much, but you will find ones that work for you!

It's ok to not be ok.....

Firstly I want to start this post by saying exactly with what it's titled, it's ok not to be ok. Don't read this post if you're looking for some guide to depression & bereavement because I don't have the answers that you crave & nor does anyone. The only one that can guide you through your loss or your depression is you, other can help & encourage but fundamentally you're the only one that can sort out this situation. 

As someone who has battled depression for me it was never just a case of having depression taking a few pills & then feeling great, it was the cold bitterness that would always linger that was my problem & still is my problem. Letting go is the hardest & trying to remember someone without feeling angry & hateful is even harder & I'm still getting there! But & it's a big BUT I am getting there. I have days when life is horrid & I hate everyone & the moment I get home I break down & my fake smile crumbles away BUT every isn't like that, my resentment is starting to ease, my hate gets less each day & my bitterness is still very much an on going battle. 

This isn't a blog post telling you life is amazing & great because it isn't, life is hard & comes with lots of bullshit. But life is beautiful. Life is short & life is a battle & you do either sink or swim.....I am very much treading water but it's getting easier & especially so when Martyn throws a rope & pulls me that bit closer. If losing my Dad was a "life lesson" then it's taught me that life is far too short to be wasted, so Carpe Diem & all that bollocks & get yourself out there! Dress up in your favourite clothes, buy that gorgeous item on your wish list, go on silly adventures, get that tattoo, dye your hair that crazy color & do what makes YOU happy. It's hard being miserable all the time & it's even harder faking being happy, but somewhere deep down you know what will make you crack a smile, even if it's just a small one. It's ok to feel bitter & still find something to smile about, I do it on a daily basis, things will start to brighten up, it won't happen overnight but it WILL happen! 

I can only draw on my experiences & how I feel but if you're like me no amount of depression & bereavement pamphlets will help, so do some soul searching & cry! & you will find something to smile about again.....that I can promise! 

Back to black....

There is something about the colour black that just never seems to get old, it doesn't matter how much I wear it or what I wear of it, it just never gets tiresome. These are a few little basic gems that have been catching my eye in Topshop as of late. I'm desperate for some cami's/vests for summer time and Topshop seem to have several different takes on the simple basicness of a cami. I definitely feel these pieces are transferable from day to night & also through to winter layered up. I'm certainly considering buying these pieces which I think will be a wardrobe staple & help carry my inner goth through indecisive summer days. So this brings me on to my next subject which is very much a marmite sort of item....Jelly shoes. I personally LOVE them & love the chunky look of them paired with some ripped ankle grazer jeans. I am desperate to get my hands on them, in an array of colours...mainly black, white & multicoloured glitter. I think they are so lightweight & generally just a bit of fun, I mean who really gives a fuck about a 23 year old wear jelly shoes really?! Not me! Finally my last black wardrobe addition which is so basic & I believe every lady should have....black pointed courts. They can smarted up a casual skinny jean day or sex up a little black slipdress. Not only do they make your legs seem elongated but there is something elegant about them at the same time. Defiantly nodding a bit of homage to Audrey Hepburn.  

Bright & dewy.....

So today I decided to venture out of the house & have a stroll around some shops, I wasn't looking for anything in particular but with the tiny bit of sunshine that decided to pop out from behind the clouds, I couldn't help but to think of summer. This winter has been filled with copious amounts of boring makeup looks & anything that will hide my dull dry winter skin, but no....this summer will be different. I will be that bronzed, tanned, dewy, glowing goddess with flawless skin (as goddess like a 5ft4 pale Welshy can be!). I'm fed up of Benefits highbeam & wanted something a bit different, now don't get me wrong I love my highlight in my Sleek contour kit but I just wanted something a bit different, something I wouldn't normally go for. After 15 minutes of aimlessly walking around Boots & getting distracted by anything with a slight shimmer, I came across the Soap & Glory makeup stand, I've never tried anything from the Soap & Glory make-up line but LOVE their bath & skin care products. After happily swatching for 5 minutes I found Peach Party, it's somewhere in between a highlighter & blush and priced at £11.00 it had to be mine! I love the various of colours & defiantly think this would suit the majority of skin tones, especially olive & darker skin tones. 

Whilst wondering around I stumbled around the Revlon stand, much to my displeasure it looked like some small child (I hope it was a child not a gross adult!) had put their finger/tried on EVERY product in the entire range, but found these new Colorburst matte balms, I swatched the shades Striking Spectacle & Showy Flamboyante, They are gorgeous shades especially Showy Flamboyante, I've never owned anything this shade & although part of me was scared to try it on, I actually think it's a lovely unique colour. Both priced at £7.99 which I think is quite fair for the amount of product your getting. I love the fact they are packaged as some sort of giant pencil which allows for a more precise application, now all these pros there must be some cons your thinking. But actually I have nothing bad to say! The longevity of this product is really good (I went on to wear this for the rest of the day as well as eating a meal, & true to the name it didn't budge!) considering it's a matte product it doesn't dry your lips out or leave them looking chalky which is always a bonus! I for sure will be sporting these this summer, especially teamed with the Soap & Glory Peach Party & fairly nude eyes. 

Wearing Showy Flamboyant on left & Striking Spectacle on the right & Peach Party in both.

There is hope.....

I have avoided this post for quite some time, I haven't even looked at my blog because I knew it would be inevitable that I would obviously have to explain my absence. I'm now a year older and living with a void. A void that quite simply will never ever be filled.

For the most part I am a happy, bubbly, bright, creative person, & I am all these things because of two people, my Father & my Grandpa. Two of the most amazing men I have ever had the pleasure of knowing and spending time with. It pains me to bring myself to write this but my Dad, my Father, the main part of my life, the person who rang me every day, the person that made me tea every morning, the person that cuddled me when I cried, the person that drove all over Britain to take me on photography adventures, the person that watched films with me that no-one else would, the person that stood in the garden in the dark with me in the winter to take long exposure photos, the person that hollowed pumpkins with me on halloween, the person that swam two miles out to sea with me in Ibiza so I could snorkel, the person that took me kayaking in the sea, the person that took me to college in the rain when I didn't want to wait at the bus stop, the person that used to laugh at stupid things with me and the person that fundamentally meant the world to me.....is gone. My Dad, my amazing Father passed away on holiday in Greece on September the 5th 2013. 

I.......I don't know what to say or what to tell you. I'm crying & trying to write but it's hard. Life is hard.

People lie to you when they say "it will get better"....it doesn't. Life doesn't get better, you don't forget, you constantly pine for something you can never have and sorry be blunt but it's fucking shit. Life is shit. You can have everything, a beautiful home, a gorgeous fiance, a furry little family of cats and a dog, but the one thing that you want, you can't have. I will never have a phone call from my Dad again, I will never hear his voice again, He won't ever annoy me by nagging me to get him Joes Ice cream again, he won't ever ring me on my birthday at 6AM to sing happy birthday to me again. I can't put in to words how much I miss him, and from September the 5th 2013 I felt like nothing would ever be the same again.

But today, the 6th of May 2014, I felt something happen. I felt happy, I felt like the world isn't that rubbish after all. I could hear the birds tweeting & singing...& I felt happy, really happy. I haven't taken anti depressant tablets since January & only now does it feel like I've woken up from a terrible nightmare.

Yes life will never been the same again, but my Dad wouldn't want me to sit here aging each year having nothing to show for it. Life is hard, & sometimes it feels like I have nothing left to give, but I do. I am a good person, I am happy, I am creative, I am caring, I am honest, I am loyal & I am ME. I'm not going to wear a fake smile anymore or be the person I think My Mother wants me to be because that'll make everyone happy to see me smiling & thinking "awh isn't it nice that she's happy even with her Dad gone"....no, I'm not happy that my Dads not hear but I have to deal with it. Just like the rest of the world gets delt a shit hand every single day. I'm not OK but I am happy &  I am thankful that I Martyn quite possibly one of the most caring & amazing people in the world, my Dad loved Martyn like he was a son & I know that I will be OK and Life does get easier.

I felt compelled to sit & write this blog post, I have no idea why, & I don't really care if anyone reads it but there is something about writing all this down that feel better, like there is a small weight lifted.

If someone does happen to read this and you have lost someone amazing, I won't lie to you, it's not going to be ok.....but it does get easier. & when you're at your at your darkest, just think of what that person would think or say to you, there are two things my Dad always used to say to me "don't lose hope" & "don't let the bastards get you down".....fuck everyone else & do what makes YOU happy. I've learnt to appreciate the little things in life, & as long as you are happy then there is always hope & light.
 I can look at photos without crying, I can think of happy memories & laugh & one thing I know for sure is my Dad loved me being creative & using my energy to be creative  I will be. I will blog more, I will go on photography adventures again, I will pain & get messy & I will be happy.

Sorry for how long this post was, & how it's not filled with beautiful fashion or make-up but life is about so so much more, and this blog won't be filled with nonsense posts on what the beast blusher is on the high street & full of shit I've been sent in the post to "review", this is MY blog, & it will be filled with me & things that make me happy.

Also my blog is renamed Little Babe, only two people call me Babe and that's my Dad & Martyn....they also happen to be two of the tallest people I know both standing at over 6FT so it just seemed perfect.